Since the dawn of civilisation man has sought to make sense of his world by attempting to set down the laws by which mankind’s fate is determined.

Now at last, after years of intellectual endeavour and sitting about idly chatting, Clay’s Laws will be revealed as the guiding hand that set down all our destinies.

Step by step, the time spent listening to the profound lyrics of The Beatles, watching England and Yorkshire cricket and the years spent at Britain’s smallest university will be shown not to have been a complete waste of time.